Last month, I was asked by a publication I contribute articles to about 4-6 times a year, to write an article on Motherhood.
WHAT DO I SAY??
I mean, I’m limited to approximately 750 words and Motherhood is such a vast subject. Do I talk about the late nights? Do I talk about the worries? The gray hairs? The countless poop diapers? The blessings? AHHH!!
And then one night… it all came pouring in… and below is what came of it.
I hope you enjoy reading it as much as it took from my soul to write.
If you live in the 33176 area… look out for my article in this month’s Central Kendall Living Magazine.
If you are unable to open the article, here is the text:
As Mother’s Day approaches, it is even clearer to me what amazingly fantastical beasts moms truly are. And all types of moms, too. Stay-at-home-moms, full-time working moms, part-time working moms, moms who travel for work, PTA moms, step-moms… anyone who’s ever taken the role of a mother should receive a participation, nay, survival medal.
So much of our identity is lost in the process of motherhood. We become a vessel for growing this life form and little by little parts of us are stripped away… our mind (we become more forgetful)… our bodies (don’t get me started on the aches and pains of making room for an entire being that wasn’t there before)… and our soul (welcome to Worry 101; population: Moms). But it just dawned on me (after a practically almost failed attempt to be intimate in this third trimester of my 2nd ever pregnancy) that the reason we lose so much of ourselves is because we are instilling ourselves into this next generation. Perhaps my daughter will inherit my photographic memory; maybe she’ll have a guitar-curved body like her momma (pre-pregnancy, of course). Maybe she’ll have a heart full of kindness and always seek to help people. These little bits of me, I hope to see in her.
As a budding lawyer in law school (a mere 14 years ago), I was taught the IRAC method: spot the Issue; figure out the Rule; Apply the rule to the facts; and come to a Conclusion. As life progresses and I have the honor of getting to know more and more moms, one thing is clear… this issue: “How do we give it all, our all?”
As a business-owning mom, balancing these two incredibly important roles (my career and motherhood) has been one of the greatest challenges of my life, thus far. Both of my “babies” require so much of me and I can never give both the 100% attention they each deserve. It took me quite some time to come to grips with the conclusion as I carefully applied the existing rule: “Moms are supposed to do it all.”
Well, I disagree. “No, Momma. You CAN’T do it all.” Some days, I give my firm 99% of me and my son gets a lousy 1% (mostly to ensure his basic needs are met). Other days, my firm gets none of me while I enjoy an amazing family day soaking in all the smiles, laughter and hugs. And you know what? THAT IS OKAY.
That antiquated rule of “Moms are supposed to do it all” has been misconstrued. I do all of what I WANT to do on any given day and the guilt can go kick a can down the street.
One of the things I’m most proud to say I have been able to do no matter the schedule is protect my kid. Some moms are bear moms, but I call myself a Yeti Mom. No one messes with my kid. We protect them from falls, from choking, from drowning and even from other people. What most moms forget to protect their babies from, however, is something they didn’t teach us in that Infant and Child CPR Class: protecting them from our absence. It’s a horrible thought, but one that, to truly protect your child, must be had, as well as dealt with.
Luckily (and maybe unfortunately as well) it’s a thought I’m forced to have on a daily basis as I prepare hundreds of families’ estate plans. We pick guardians for minor children, and put people in charge of managing assets for our little ones in the case of an untimely death. But I feel lucky and blessed that so many families have chosen me to help them with this. I feel like a part of each family after those Trusts are signed, knowing full well my words could one day impact their bright futures and ensure that their assets stay out of the Court’s control and in the hands of the ones chosen by Mom (and Dad/other parent, to be fair).
Is it hard? Omg, yes. When I sat down to create my own trust during my son’s 3rd month of life, it took me 6 days and an entire box of Kleenex. But the hard part wasn’t getting it done: it was thinking of a future for my son without me. Yet after I finished preparing for my untimely demise, I felt a sense of relief and I could breathe. I knew that if something happened to me, my baby boy would be cared for exactly as I’d want.
For any parents out there thinking about this: let me help you. Put that burden on my firm to get this done for you, to hold your hand through the tough decisions so you can enjoy life knowing you’ll always be there for your kid… even if you’re physically not.
And yes, we stock up on boxes of Kleenex.